I was busy watching the movie Mamma Mia and a thought came into my head. Am I too analytical about love?
As I watched Harry reminisce to Sophie about his young and spontaneous summer romance with her mother Donna, I couldn’t help but feel my heart leap in my chest at the thought of the scene. Because when I picture romance in my 20’s it is filled with stolen kisses and passionate words and endless days in the sun. Now I know that life isn’t all daisies and buttercups and that relationships should indeed be taken with a pinch of responsibility and thought, however I fear I may have been turning my pinch into a whole cup full.
Now days I am surrounded by dating advice and tips and tricks, I mean hell, even I have posted a few tips and tricks on meeting a guy’s parents, but have I gone so far down this over analyzing rabbit hole that I have forgotten the reason why the hole is there in the first place- romance. I am an absolute sap for your cliché romance stories, I want the whole big shebang; the roses, the candles and the stolen midnight rendezvous. What has stifled my experience of that would be my overthinking and critique of every action and word I as well as the other person has ever said. If he says X, he really means Y, but if I say Y then will he take it as an X? If you ask me it’s far too much.
Now I’m not about to go gallivanting off to a little island in the Mediterranean and have my own little musical; even though if I pause to think about it, it does sound tempting…
But what I will do is stop taking myself and the love that I experience so seriously, If I did I don’t think I would manage to keep my sanity intact, let alone my youth. I will be intentional and responsible with the love that I experience for someone, but I can be intentional and responsible whilst having a midnight meet-up with my significant other whilst gazing up at the stars and getting drunk on cheap wine. Let’s bring back the passionate romance and love into the 21st century relationship. I went through two views of approach when it came to this thought:
- You Create What You Want
I went through a stage where I believed that I created the relationship that I wanted. I had a very long list of selective traits and attributes that I wanted a guy to have and I had quite a firm picture about where he needed to be in his life and what his life had to look like. What happened when a guy came close but was missing a few loose ends? Well I made the classic mistake of thinking that I could gently nudge and bend him toward tying up those few last pieces and becoming exactly what I wanted to see. But as we all know I’m sure, that almost always never ends up working out, one of you will end up resenting the other. In many ways I still like to think that being selective in what I want from a partner is necessary because at the end of the day I know myself the best and I know that by standing firm on what I expect and look for in a partner is a matter of looking out for myself. But If I could go back and tell my past self to stop beating every guy I was with into this refined mold, I most certainly would.
- If It Is Forced Too Much It Won’t Work
Obviously I didn’t expect to just be standing in a bar and the love of my life would just fall into my lap and the rest would be history. I would actually need to approach said prince charming and do a little smooth talk to get his number AND THEN the rest would be history. However, recently I’ve been exploring the notion that it is important for things to flow naturally in order for it to work. If I have to force conversation or try to create a spark then unfortunately sooner or later it will fizzle out, so when I meet someone and there is an instant attraction and conversation flows naturally then the surrounding effort that goes into building that relationship will be more easy. When things are forced beyond an extent being a relationship begins to feel more like a job rather than a privilege.
So if I end up on an island in the Mediterranean living my own romantic comedy out I will let you know and who knows, maybe I may just write a song about it and see you on the big screen…